IndigenousX announces ‘One Nation Rescue Plan’

In an eerie coincidence, One Nation has announced their ‘Aboriginal rescue plan’ at the same time as IndigenousX was planning to announce our One Nation Rescue Plan.

In another bizarre coincidence the two plans actually show some strong similarities. Whereas the One Nation plan involves abolishing land councils and shutting down remote communities, IndigenousX’s plan involves abolishing One Nation and finally getting Mark Latham and Pauline Hanson and whoever the hell else is still involved in that toxic bin fire of a party to shut the hell up.

On the One Nation NSW website, it claims that they have ‘consulted many Indigenous leaders’, and IndigenousX has also totes consulted a bunch of white leaders about our strategy too. Also like NSW One Nation though we aren’t bothering to name anyone we consulted but believe us, we definitely consulted heaps of them. For sure. 100%.

In an interview with 2GB, Mark Latham cites violence in communities as one reason why remote communities need to be closed. Similarly, the violent clash between former One Nation senator Brian Burston and Pauline Hanson’s senior adviser James Ashby, or Mark Latham’s history of ‘crash tackling’ a taxi driver or attempting to violently crush the hand of a frail old man are offered as justifications from IndigenousX about why One Nation should be shut down.

Also like NSW One Nation we aren’t bothering to name anyone we consulted but believe us, we definitely consulted heaps of them.

Latham also cites the idea that remote communities are economically unviable, saying “I mean you could stick Bill Gates out there and he couldn’t earn a dollar in some of these desolate remote places”. Again, in a remarkable stroke of pure coincidence, IndigenousX is arguing that One Nation is economically unviable, reliant as they are on handouts, most of which comes from taxpayers who would prefer their money spent on things that actually matter, like investing in the infrastructure and services required to improve conditions in remote Indigenous communities.

“I mean you could stick Bill Gates in charge of One Nation and he couldn’t earn a dollar for this racist backwards party” says IndigenousX spokesperson Luke Pearson.

IndigenousX further argues along the lines of unviability that racism will not be a viable political strategy in Australian politics for much longer.

“Racism in politics is a bit like coal mining. Sure, it still makes some people a lot of money, and a few politicians still love bringing a bit of coal or a bit of racism into parliament as a stunt now and then, but the reality is that it is doing a lot of damage to the country, is making us a laughing stock to many of our friends and allies around the globe, and we just hope we can abolish both of them before the damage they have done is entirely irreparable”.

That these two remarkably similar plans have come out at around the same time is greatly suspicious to IndigenousX

That these two remarkably similar plans have come out at around the same time is greatly suspicious to IndigenousX, who cannot be certain whether One Nation obtained an advance copy of the IndigenousX plan and have released theirs as some kind of childish parody, or whether they are merely rehashing the failed racist rhetoric of Tony Abbott when he was PM.

Either way, according to IndigenousX, it serves as further evidence that One Nation should be abolished and that it’s tax payer funded lark should be brought to an end and its ’employees’ should be forced to go and get real jobs. (For the record appearing on Dancing with the Stars or being paid to spout racist nonsense on breakfast television or for Sky News are not real jobs).

IndigenousX attempted to get comment from One Nation leader Pauline Hanson, but accidentally contacted Pauline Pantsdown instead, who was very supportive of IndigenousX’s One Nation Rescue Plan, saying “I fully support this rescue plan and believe it is long overdue. Some people may want to preserve this primitive party through some sense of misguided charity, but the truth is that it is dangerous and irresponsible to allow this kind of depravity to continue”.

“It’s time that someone rescues these poor souls from themselves, and I’m glad to know that it will be now in the hands of IndigenousX, a group who have a long history of showing concern and compassion for white supremacists.

Also, fuck George Pell.”

Pantsdown’s comments on George Pell are fully supported by IndigenousX, who intend to release their Catholic Church Rescue Plan involving sending in the army (complete with tanks), income management, and a massive take back of all Church owned properties and businesses, by the end of the month.